"I just don't care anymore."

on friday night i had a very interesting conversation with one of my closest girl friends about her relationship with her "boyfriend." they have been together for what seems like forever and from the outside you would really think everything is pretty damn perfect. long story short, it's not. and it's not because all these things happened within the last year. so after a whole year of her dealing with all this bullshit, she's tired of it. and she isn't sure if that's what she wants anymore. but what i'm more concerned with is, what happens when you're tired of it all after being with someone for that long?

i know realistically not all relationships work out, especially ones that begin during high school. the chances are really slim for it to even make it past high school let alone make it to marriage. but what happens? maybe because i have never been in love before my boyfriend and maybe because i don't understand the dynamics of love within a relationship, but really, what happens when you have loved and known someone for so long and you just don't know if you want that anymore? is it due to boredom? when i asked her she said, "it took so long for him to change that i just don't care anymore." i could tell boredom did have a factor in it because he took so long that she just became bored with the situation and relationship. and what's harder is accepting the notion that one day you could possibly become bored with the one person you love, or worse, them become bored with you. it's terrifying to me. and yes you all could say i'm being naive because i haven't experienced any heartbreak or changes with people but i try so hard to be optimistic about relationships in general. i know that it may not last forever, i completely get that. but i always try to look at relationships in a positive light without getting my hopes up.

so that leads me to my question, what do you do at that point? do you continue to stay because this is all you have known for so long or do you leave with hopes of finding the next "the one?" how do you break away from someone you loved so much at one point? this isn't for those girls who easily get bored in relationships and constantly want something new, this is for the girls who have been in long relationships with guys they thought were the one and all of sudden things start to head down hill. not just like crazy outta control down hill but he's just not the person you thought he was.

i asked her if she could in all honesty say that she is happy with her relationship most of the day? her answer: "no, i can't say that i am." that right there scares the shit outta me. how do you handle it? because deep down, you're hoping things go back to how they were and praying you stop feeling & thinking the way you are. 

Let's start from the beginning...

Well, to be honest I really don't know where to start. I'm sitting here at my laptop thinking about what to write, and who the fuck is gonna read this. But I guess that is for you to decide huh? 

So, I guess I'll start with the physical description: I'm about 5'3" with curly brown hair & brown eyes and a huge ass. No really, it's big. I'm really curvy, a little too curvy for my liking sometimes but I like having an ass & hips. I'm Guatemalan-American so I'm slightly tanned but not all the time. Maybe a picture will be posted later on, I haven't decided if I want to actually reveal who I am or kinda keep this a secret with only a few things to give away.

My likes: sleeping, sex, food, love, friends, family, having fun. I love to learn but I really hate going to school; college is not what I thought it would be, but then again what ever is? I'm really simple at least in my eyes. I want things that almost everybody wants. I can be really weird and my little brother thinks my boyfriend wouldn't date me if he saw how I act on a daily basis...

So that leads me to my love life...I am currently in a relationship with a guy who lives three-thousand miles away from me. Shocking right? Haha. He's everything I have ever wanted in a guy. Prior to him I never had a boyfriend (no I'm not some loser, I just always liked the wrong guys) but I have dated a few here and there. I don't know what to call my boyfriend yet, I'll get back to ya. He's amazing though and maybe I'm being naive by saying I think he's the one but it feels like he could be it. I know I'm young, 19 to be exact, but I know that this could not work out in the end, which would suck but it's something I would grow from. I think any relationship, good or bad, is one in which you can grow from and ask yourself, "okay, what can I do to make sure the next one doesn't fail?" So despite the fact that he's that far and we're young, I do think in all honesty it's one that could last. If not at least we both tried. Oh and the sex is great.

Enough about my main squeeze. In all honesty I don't know what this blog is going to be about. Part of me wants this to be a random blog where I post little random things each day. Part of me wants it to be about my life & the drama or lack thereof that makes my life interesting (this would include things about my boyfriend, my rocky relationship with my father, my friends, college life, etc.). The real reason I had started this blog was to make a sex blog. I always liked reading them and figured people would like reading about my sexcapades. However, I am currently not having enough sex since my man lives on the other side of the country. Maybe when I see him I'll post some juicy shit but for now, this may just be a blog when I need to vent. I'm not sure yet. I think everyday would just bore you since my life at the moment seems awfully dull. Maybe I'll think of something for next time. 

ps. I absolutely hate typing with capital letters. It really frustrates me. So I apologize now for those grammar junkies if I do not use capitals.