High Sex

the other day, i admitted something to edward that i was afraid to admit: i want to get high with him and have sex. i've never been high before, i've never smoked either, and it would be a lie to say i'm not curious about it. my dad smokes "reefer" everyday and he's offered it to me numerous times, but i've always decline cause, well, he's my dad, and that's just awkward.

so i figured since i love sex (who doesn't?) and how it feels, it would probably feel 1000x intensified high. and i'm not talking coke or anything serious, just weed. edward has never done it either, so it would be a first. but when i told him, i expected a flat out no, and instead he said, "i'll think about it."

i was floored. did my boyfriend who just tell me he'd think about it? i don't know why, but it just seemed so weird that he even said that. when i said "what?!" he said, "i know you're excited about it. i'm not saying yes, but i'm not saying no, i'll think about it. and i can tell you're smiling." i don't know why, but i did get kinda excited. i really don't want to get high with anyone but him. most of my friends get high, and they have been pressuring me since junior year of high school, but i always say no. i wanna do it with someone i trust, and i love edward. plus, i think the sex could be incredibly fun ;)

for now though, we're not going to because edward is still contemplating becoming a police officer. if the job he's at right now doesn't take off, he will likely apply for the police academy within the next year and a half. and i guess(?) that when you take the lie detector test, they ask you if you have used any drugs within the last 3 years, so he wants to be safe. if we do, i'll let you know ;)

p.s. does anyone still read this? haha.

Boosh

nothing makes a night better than a hot skype sex session.

just sayin'

Threesomes

so, it's about time i had a post, one about sex at least.

sometime last week me and edward had a semi-lengthy discussion about threesomes. we talked about the pros and cons, and what kind of threesome we would like to have if we ever have one.

of course he wants FMF & i want MFM. i want two guys all over me, and i wanna try DP. he wants two hot chicks all over him making his deepest fantasy come true. but more than anything, he wants to see me fuck a girl. i'm not going to lie, the thought kinda turns me on. he asked me if i would go down on her, and while i say no right now, i don't know how i would react in the moment. would i put my head between her legs and use my tongue on her pussy? to be honest, i'm not sure. but i don't think i would object to her going down on me, fingering me, or fucking me with a dildo. when i told him that, he was pretty turned on and i know he'd love it if it ever happened.

for me, if we ever did MFM, it's not about watching him touch another guy. in fact, i wouldn't want another guy sucking or touching his dick at all. i'd want the focus on me; having a dick in my cunt, a dick in my ass, or a dick in my mouth while i'm bent over taking it from behind. i asked him if seeing another man fuck me would turn him on, and he said he's not sure, but he'd be okay with it if it was only something we did together as a couple.

which leads us to jealousy. by nature, we both tend to get jealous, which is totally normal. but if we were ever to venture out and have a threesome, could we put jealousy past us after it happened? we both don't know the answer yet. if we did MFM, he said he'd probably be jealous, but he'd be okay with it if he knew i never went behind his back and fucked this guy. and he would want to know that when it's just us two, it literally is just us two, and i wouldn't be fantasizing about this other guy.

if we did FMF, it affects me more than him. i can't lie, i'd be terrified that he'd always want to have a threesome with her, or fantasize about her. i wouldn't be afraid he'd leave me, but i'd be afraid that if one day he was home alone bored, he'd call her and fuck her. i know, it appears i have trust issues. and while i trust him in ever aspect, this would be a completely different ballpark. and in all honesty, i think i'd get jealous if he focused more on her than me during the threesome. he told me he wouldn't, because at the end of the day, he still finds me incredible sexy and the most beautiful woman on this planet. that sure makes me feel good ;)

basically, we have decided that we will not do this anytime soon, especially since we live so far from one another. but, we have both agreed that if we decide to in the future (when we're living together), we need to set rules and boundaries and make sure it never effects our relationship. our relationship is our first priority, and until we know there is absolutely no chance of it being fucked up, we won't do it. it will require us both putting aside jealousy and realizing it's just sex. that may not be for years, but i'm open to possibly trying it later on down the line.

Busy, Busy, Busy

i'm sorry, that's pretty much all i can say to those few readers who read my blog faithfully. i've been busy, like really busy. in fact, i should be writing a paper for sociology right this second. some updates are in order:

1. my and edward are doing great. everything is pretty much perfect between us. minus fighting the past three days over dumb things, we had a splendid night tonight talking about having hot sex in june when i get there and threesomes (there will be a post on this hopefully this weekend). i couldn't ask for a more loving boyfriend.
2. school is going really good, and i've done some research and have a pretty good idea of two graduate schools i want to go to. both very good schools, one just more specialized in what i'm looking for. one is 30 minutes away from edward and the other is 2 hours away in another state. if i get into the former, i think he's going to move with me and we'll get an apartment together.
3. i hate my job, and am really contemplating quitting. since i'm taking summer school classes this summer, i'm going to work but i kinda really want to quit by september before school starts. since i'll be going into my senior year (yikes!) and want to graduate my june, i need to take 4 classes per quarter and then 4 next summer. i've never taken 4 classes at a time, mainly cause ima lil bitch. so, i think if i quit i'll have more time for school.
4. i want to find a clinical internship in sex therapy of marriage/family counseling. if i can't find something along those lines, i think i'm going to have to do psychology research for the next year. it would be really beneficial to me to do so.
5. i want to quit but, i don't know if i can financially afford it. i barely make enough at my shit job now, and i don't even shop or blow my money. i use it for gas and food when i need it. so if i quit, i need to make sure i will have saved enough this summer to fall back on if needed next year.

that seems about it right now. again, i'm sorry for being so busy. i know there's only a few of you who read this & despite what you may think, i do love you guys for it :)