well because i've been jealous we've been arguing more. and the fights are not easy. i feel bad that we fight. i hate them. and because of the distance it makes it a hell of a lot harder. we can't console one another afterwards, and that's the worst part. so after weeks of fighting last week was the one that pushed us over the edge. he decided to spend the night there last saturday. i am trusting enough where i did not ask him to not do it but let's face it, i sure as fuck did not want him sleeping there. especially since he has been distant with me. he assured me he would leave early and i said okay because i didn't wanna fight over this, it hurts too much to fight.
after he came home everything was okay but i had this feeling inside me, like something was different between him and me. not like he did anything bad but like we were growing apart. and that really scares the shit outta me. so i decided to bring this up on sunday night and it got pretty bad. we were on the verge of a breakup and i was crying because it felt like he just didn't love me anymore and blah blah blah. he told me that he does love me and does want to be with me but he's uncertain; he no longer knows whether or not we will make it three years long distance. he doesn't know if it's worth it because we fight so much and our fights really depress him. even his friends were telling him to dump my ass because he looks so depressed after our fights. apparently i'm the bad guy. and while it hurt it took me a few days to see that nothing really is certain in life and i knew this when we first started dating. it just hurt so much to hear him be so pessimistic. i know there is a chance we will not work out, i get that. but i have so much faith in this relationship and he seems to have lost all of his. and it's all due to the divorce.
his mom told him about 3 weeks ago that she would divorce his stepfather once he comes back from iraq. i know that if it wasn't for this divorce he would not have lost all of his faith in everything. i know it was hard on him since this is her second divorce. and it sucks because he truly believes that he's not capable of a stable relationship because it's in his genes. but we both know that the divorce hit him hard and if it wouldn't have happened he'd still have faith in us. fighting is inevitable, we are a couple we are going to fight. yes most of our fights are petty so if we can work on that then why shouldn't this work out? we both agreed to work this through and i agreed to be patient with him while he goes through this uncertain phase. i know it will pass. even though it hurts me everyday to know he is so pessimistic, i try and remain optimistic about us.
so all this happened last sunday & monday and everything really got better. he went to hang out with his lesbian friend and i put the jealousy behind me. there really is no reason to be jealous of her. but of course come saturday night (as in last night) he decides to spend the night again. of course i am a woman so i wasn't too thrilled about it. we just fucking fought over all of this and he did it again. but i decided to be the adult and i didn't tell him it hurt me. i lied to him and i never lie to him. i didn't wanna fight, so i kept my mouth shut. especially since he had a rough half of the summer and he needed some time out with friends. at one point he called me again kinda drunk around 3 something his time telling me he missed me and being all cute. and i told him something that made things worse, and i regret telling him more than anything.
friday night i went to one of my best friend's birthday party. i love my girlfriends, and i've kissed them many times before. well like a peck, no full on open mouth kissing or tongue. i pecked one of my best friends and i honestly thought of it as nothing. shit, it was a peck. so i told edward because i'm an honest gal and i really thought he would laugh. nope. he was so hurt by it that he pretty much ignored my calls all day. i can see what he thinks of it, he thinks i cheated. or according to him he doesn't know if he counts it. but how the fuck is that cheating?! it was one of my best friends! it was a peck! and he told me it confused him more. and now that i think about it, i do truly feel bad for hurting him. i never would have done it had i known it was gonna cause problems. but i really think he is being dramatic. he went on forever about how much he wanted me to make out with my friend and when i pointed that out last night he said he was joking. i think it's all bullshit. my mom thinks he's making excuses, but for what i don't know. i just don't see how this qualifies as cheating. i didn't make out with her, it was a peck! and he said it's made him more confused. to be honest, all of this is confusing me. i love him but i feel like i am walking on eggshells. everything i have said and done within the last week has caused him to kinda snap at me. and while he has every right to be upset with what i did, i don't think it's fair he thinks i cheated. what's worse it the more he's confused the more i am confused. and it's not going to be long until i can't take it anymore. i feel like this is slowly falling apart. i don't want it to, but how am i supposed to be content in a relationship when he is so fucking pessimistic. i'm so tired of crying. i'm so tired of arguing. and i am so tired of walking on eggshells.
i really dunno what is going to happen tonight. he's gonna call me soon and for all i know this may all end tonight. fuck, this sucks. wish me luck.
I'm so sorry about all of this sweetie :( I hate to say it, but from the outside perspective, it seems like he's looking for a reason to break up. A peck is NOT a big deal and doesn't count as cheating. He's spending the night at another woman's house (even though she's a lesbian, it doesn't make it alright) not once but twice and then gets mad when you peck your best friend? hell of a double standard. It seems like he's trying to give you reasons to break up with him. He probably loves you a lot and doesn't want to hurt you so he's hoping you'll do it. I'm so sorry.
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hey,
ReplyDeletemy bf and i were long distance for a year and it was the hardest thing we had to go through. we got to a point though when we were fighting all the time, over every little thing, just the stupidest shit ever, and like you said, it was so much harder bc we couldnt cuddle or kiss after arguing and then trying to work things out. eventually, we took a break and it was the best thing that could have happened to us. once we took a "time out" on our relationshsip, and acknowledged things we needed to work on, independently and together, we managed to not fight nearly as much as we had been. yes there were still disagreements but being on that break and realizing we didnt want anyone else but each other and that we were arguing bc of jealousy issues, and other stuff as well, we were able to step back and then get back together 3 weeks later. and we still talked almost every day during our break, but things were just differnet once we acknowledged that things werent working and something had to be done.
id say, just try as hard as you can to stop being jealous about the lesbian friend. i know its hard, but if shes really a lesbian, who honestly cares, are you going to let HER ruin your relationship? try to think of her as being one of the guys - and try to let go of smaller things that you guys are fighting about.
also, he does need to get over the peck thing. i agree hes being way overly dramatic about it, but if what he needs to hear is an I'm sorry, it wont happen again, then you should try and give him that.
it sounds like you guys really love each other, youre just going through a rough patch. i've been there, and we've overcome it - now we are living together :)
good luck ms. d
thank you to both of you for your comments.
ReplyDeleteamber, i actually asked him if he wanted to break up. i straight out said, 'do you want to be alone? do you want me to leave you?' and he said no. he told me part of him wants to be alone because of everything he is dealing with but the majority of him wants to be with me. so even when i offered to be out of his life for good and not be in a relationship anymore he said he didn't want that and he wants to work this out. so that leads me to believe he is telling the truth and he does want to be with me. i'm not trying to make excuses for him because i think he's being dumb about the peck. but last night he told me he was hurt and he would get over it (he doesn't hold grudges). i can only assume he does want to be with me but he's having a hard time with the divorce. he found something out last night & i'd rather not say what it is because it's pretty personal.
spanisheyez, i've decided i am done being upset over this girl. he considers her one of his best friends and i trust him enough to know that he's not lying to me. like i said, i think he is being dumb about the peck but i know he'll get over it. i know i've been confused before as well back in july when he was depressed and i was constantly wondering if i wanted to deal with this but i love him so i wanted to work through it. i'm not gonna let my jealousy ruin this relationship. we were actually fine all week till the whole peck thing.
i talked with my friend today about her relationship because she did the whole ldr for 2 & 1/2 years. they broke up once when she finally moved back and it was only a couple of months before they were back together. i offered to take a break but he doesn't want it, he doesn't want to break up. he tells me everyday he loves me and wants to be with me. he's just not sure if we can make it 3 years. i blame the divorce for ruining his faith but i think in time it will get better. it may take a break up for us to realize we really need each other but at this moment, i don't think it's the right time. we both want to keep trying. so until i can't do it anymore or he can't do it anymore we're going to keep trying. i am frustrated that he's lost his faith but i just need to be patient for now. everyone reacts differently to divorce and he's taking it pretty hard.
we'll see how things work out. for now i'm backing off on calls & txts. he just started school again so he'll be busy and we may just end up fighting less. and he also said he wasn't gonna stay at his friend's anymore. we'll see what happens. but thank you to both of you again. if you have anymore insight after everything i said please tell me !
:)
good luck :)
ReplyDeleteit sounds like you both really want this to work, and sometimes, as corny as it sounds and as jaded as i get sometimes, all you need IS love. i think (from what ive read) you guys love each other so much. divorces can really hit hard, esp. with making someone lose faith. but hopefully like you said, with time itll come back. =)
we talked last night & he was kinda in a bad mood and of course i assume it was because of me. well he comforted me and told me that what's bothering him right now has nothing to do with me, and i just need to be patient with him. that made me feel a million times better :)
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