i an emotional wreck as of the last 10 minutes. tears streaming down my face, deep heavy gasps for breath, and feeling fucked up to the core. what brought this on? i really couldn't tell ya. i break down sometimes and i have no clue as to why. i feel empty when i do, and much of me just wants to forget everything. i know i have some psychological problems. they're not dominant in my life, but when they surface i am a
wreck. god bless edward for doing everything he does, including saying things that helps me get through everything.
i find myself terrified that he'll leave me. and it gets to me, because i love him. i know he wouldn't unless i pushed him away, but since he left once before, i can't help but feel that pain once in a while.
"do this one thing for me: tell me how much you need & love me. i need it right now. i need to know i'm the one."
"youre so the one (insert heart he sends me here) i love you like no other."
those words are music to my ears. and just like that, i feel eternal love.
i know, i'm a wreck.
You think it has anything to do with the fact that you will see Edward soon and you get a rush of emotions good and bad? You are such a passionate person and seem to wear your emotions on your sleeve at least when you blog.
ReplyDeletehmm, possibly. i think it has more to do with he is all super lovey after he sees me and then it just goes down, like way down. yeah he shows me affection, but it's affection that i ask for, not necessarily affection on his own. and i want the type that just happens naturally.
ReplyDeleteSo he is not providing all the affection you need. Is he not a naturally affectionate guy? Some guys are not naturally affectionate like that, you need to give them time. I am saying you should give him some time. This surprising because if you were single I would hit on you and try to nail you. *joking*
ReplyDeleteFor reals though, you need to be patient.
oh he is affectionate. here's the thing, after i leave or he leaves, he's very affectionate because we're still on that i-just-saw-you high. but after a few weeks, he distances himself from me, because it hurts too much to be affectionate. he doesn't do it on purpose, and he knows it's not exactly fair, but i deal with it. however, when i'm on my period & emotional, i want all the super lovey shit. and right now i'm not really getting it unless i ask, so it's not natural. the natural stuff is the good stuff, because it's incredibly romantic. when i ask, he is affectionate but it's not as romantic and it's more of him giving me attention by making me laugh a lot. yeah it's great but i like romance too.
ReplyDeleteA lot of men struggle with that. The best advice I've ever gotten is "be the partner you want to have." Which in essence means that in times you feel that despair closing in, you should pour the love on Edward super hard. Instead of pushing him to give you what you want ... you set the example. Love on, nurture and romance him ... and likely you'll spark the same response out of him ... and it will feel more natural and satisfying. Big hugs.
ReplyDeletethank you jez and/or cane. i have tried that approach, it doesn't work as well as i'd hope. sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. he knows he does this, and when i do approach him he apologizes but it doesn't change much. me pouring love on him doesn't give him the warm super loved feeling i feel when he does it to me.
ReplyDelete