An update.

since i posted my last post i've been pretty much just keeping busy with school, work, and friends. i always knew i had amazing friends but i really saw it this past week. through so many rough times i have been there for my friends; dealing with abortions, breakups, home issues, etc. i've helped them through so much. it was a nice change to be helped for once, to have my friends take care of me.

my partner in crime last night, as well as my date, alice in wonderland sat with me for almost 4 and 1/2 hours on monday. she was my shoulder. she hugged me so tightly when i cried. i can't thank her enough for helping me and having faith in us and believing edward will pull it all together.

the rest of my girls, lady gaga, hot nurse, barbie, and mrs. jones* have done everything they can to make me feel better. i am truly blessed to have such wonderful friends who know i'm going through a hard time with all of this waiting. they have comforted me and they see that edward is doing this to make a better future for us in the end.

speaking of edward, we talked thursday night. for 3 & 1/2 hours. holy shit, we never talk that long when we're dating haha. we talked about everything. from his suicidal thoughts when he was younger to him struggling with depression for years, to his childhood and his parent's unstable relationship. we discussed everything. we discussed us, and what we hope will happen.

i asked him if he thinks this will all be done by march. he says there is a 50/50 chance. but then again, there's a 50/50 chance he could be done with this by next week, 2 weeks from now, 1 month from now. we really have no clue when he could figure this all out. his stepfather actually came home friday night but he's not at their house, he's staying at friends i believe.

what i wondered about is, if he finally figures out what will come out of the divorce, the living situation, etc., will he be less depressed? he said probably because that one huge stressor is the main cause of his depression. so when i asked if he would come back to me at the point he said yes. but then, that's not really working through your depression, it's just eliminating a stressor that was causing depression. but he told me that because it would be eliminated he would be able to pay more attention to me and work through his depression with me. only time will tell though. and to be honest, i hope he knows what will come out of the divorce soon. not just for us but for him, especially since the holidays are coming up.

and with the holidays coming up, i'm not going there as i have said in my other post. i told him if he figured it all out by the end of november i'd still go. but if not, i don't think i could. idk, it's sucha mess. but i support him.

i did have a slight problem with him hanging out with his ex friday. i mean, come on, we just broke up. but he assured me he went to the mall with her because she was depressed over something and the whole time she kept telling him he should get back with me. she said she could see how depressed he looked over our break up and that we should get back together like asap. i like her haha. like i said though, time will tell all.

on another note, halloween was nice. hung out with my friends, drank some drank, ate some pizza, and had a good time. i was a sexy queen of hearts with 4 inch black patent leather pumps, long sexy eyelashes, fishnet thigh-hi's, and my cute costume. it was a hit and i felt damn good. overall, it was a nice weekend. lady gaga and i stayed up til 4 this morning talking about life and me and edward and everything.

i have to say, for being slightly depressed over everything, i am handling this well. i am going on with my life while still keeping my love for edward alive. i'm not letting this get the best of me. of course i'm sad but i'm managing. school and work is keeping me busy and my friends have been so helpful. plus talking to edward and agreeing for every monday and thursday to talk makes me feel good to know we're going to keep in touch. i don't feel as empty as i did monday. maybe it's wishful thinking...

by the way, does no one read this? am i just writing to no one? i never get any comments or views often. maybe you all are sick of edward and me? but i would appreciate some feedback, and of course i'll leave you some on your bl0g :)



*please excuse the halloween costume reference, i didn't want to put their real names.